and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
