My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
