i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
