I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
