He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
