He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
