McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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