Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize