I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
