I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize