i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
