just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
