Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
