Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize