i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize