I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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