Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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