i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
