I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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