i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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