Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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