the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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