last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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