Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
