Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you made out with another girl for some wings
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
