can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
