update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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