I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
