That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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