so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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