My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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