I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
