What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
