She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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