I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
