I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
