I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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