He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
