I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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