I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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