I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
In America we eat man semen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
