I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
