things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
