I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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