whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
