He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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