I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
