Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize