To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize