my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
