So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
