I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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