What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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