they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
