Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
