he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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