So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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