About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize