I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
