Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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