if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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