best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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