so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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