did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
