I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
