anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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