we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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