So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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