Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my poor anus
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
